I know some of you may think that the only reason I have this blog is to whine about my job and justify my actions to myself and others. Well, smart guy, you're wrong. It's true that all humans spend a considerable amount of time justifying their actions. It's right up there with thinking about sex as far as something we think too much about. And we all go to great lengths, in order to be able to feel good about ourselves whether it is true or not.
But I really don't care anymore whether my actions are justifiable or not as much as I used to. Sure, on a purely social self-preservation instinct I practice image damage control as much as anybody else. But if I am caught dead to rights, I will admit that at times I am a lousy, selfish, uncaring, human piece of hot steaming excrement.
I'm perfectly ok with this. I know that in my own self, and my own power and will is not enough goodness to dance on the the top of a pin. You want to know why I can live with looking at the hunk of garbage that is Anonymous Cog? Because I have accepted several truths from the bible and lean my whole concept of personal identity on them.
1. Everyone is a sinner. Everyone has the capability and the inborn addiction and inclination to sin.(Romans 3:10,23)
2. You cannot please God by doing good works-you will fail miserably everytime. This is why Jesus died on the cross.(Ephesians 2:10)
3. Jesus sacrificial death on the cross made me righteous in the eyes of God forever as long as I accept it by faith. (Romans 8:1, II Corinthians 5:21)
When I accepted these truths and threw my whole identity into the grace of God, everything else stopped mattering to me. Accepting God's grace is like the scene in the classic Bill Murray movie, "Meatballs"; when he gives the pep talk to the campers before they go to the big game with the other camp. He tells them "It just doesn't matter." He goes on and on, explaining how the competion is not important, how these people will always win and always be better because of their money, but it just doesn't matter. At the end of the speech everyone is screaming "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!, IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!, IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!" .
When I truly accepted grace to cover my sins, I realized I don't have to beat myself up anymore, it doesnt matter if I'm not perfect, it just doesnt matter-because whatever else happens in this world, I have already won, no matter if I fail miserably, or achieve success. God loves me, and Jesus died for all of my sins and screw-ups yesterday, today, and next year. So any good that I do is out of gratitude and freedom, not as some sort of spiritual wage slave hoping I can make sinner of the month and make it into heaven.
Part II No Need to Justify Myself
Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.
By Rage Against The Machine