One of my friends at work got a call from a very . . .interesting. . . customer. After the lady caller only gave them only half of the information they needed to help her, The caller informed my friend that her request for technical service "needs to be expedited". The sad thing is this is not an uncommon occurrence, and it gets under my skin like nothing else does.

People like this just astound me. What side of the moon have they been living on where if you snap your fingers and tell someone to "expedite" your service does it actually happen? But especially at call centers, we're already feeling pretty pissed off at the world being chained to this desk with the headphone cord, then we have some self-important twit explain that although we may give mediocre service to everyone else, we need to step it up a couple of notches because the freakin' queen of the world is calling in.

This lady's attitude is really very telling considering the class system in America. We are supposed to be a casteless society, you know, "We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal." But through money, education, race and gender, class stratification always seems to pop up no matter how an attempt at an egalitarian society is made. I know I have never moved in the circle of the rich and powerful, and if this is the sort of people they become I'm not interested.

If in my little dream of a just and equitable world, through some incredibly random twist of fate, this prima dona will go to Google tomorrow and type something like this into the search field:call center expedite service . I sincerely hope Google finds my humble little outpost of sarcasm and truth, so she can read the following words that are especially meant for all of the high-minded-better-than-everyone-else-condescending-snobs who seem to find their way to my call center:

Your request for expedited service will be valued in the same way as a large hot pile of steaming excrement if you continue to speak to us as sub-humans. Now please enjoy my hold music for a couple of hours. Thank you for calling.....Bite me...