I am fairly sure that everyone in the world has thought about ending their life through suicide. I remember when I was a teenager I thought about it more than I care to remember. Then in my 20's, my grandfather, who I was very close to became sick, and started struggling to just exist in a painful physical state with very little dignity.
Finally, he put a bullet in their brain and ended it all.
My grandmother never recovered after that and didn't last many years longer. She was bitter and depressed because of the suicide. She may have died of something else, but the suicide was the trigger.
I didn't blame my grandfather, life had become very painful, and he had lost a sense of control and dignity. In some small way I understood why he did it. But when compared to the pain it caused the rest of the family, it still wasn't justified.
I don't believe that suicide is the unforgivable sin that sends you straight to hell. Especially if it is a related to a diminished mental state. Some theologies seem to allow people to die from physical sickness, but do not give as much value to mental sickness, anguish or pain.
There have been times when I become discouraged and look at all that is set before me to do, I feel overwhelmed and hear that temptation in the dark recesses of my psyche. I've got physical problems that aren't improving, and if I don't see some improvement, there is a chance I could wind up in a diminished state like my relative.
But I've got some strong anchors that keep from taking my own life. The number one anchor is my wife. When I think back on how my grandmother suffered, and what it did to her, I can't imagine doing that to my own wife. But there are other people besides her. Besides my own family, and my friends there is the world of other people that I have worked with in my church and in other volunteer work.
I know I'm no Mother Theresa or Saint Francis by a long shot. But no one is an island either. There have been people that I have counseled and encouraged not to give up, what's going to happen to them if I give up? We have more influence than we realize, if we throw it all away, the world will only grow worse.
Even though it may be the quickest answer to so much pain, I still believe suicide is still the selfish way out that kills one life and damages countless others.
Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.
By Rage Against The Machine