I don't remember being this angry about my job for some time. My emotions normally go from boredom, cynicism, hopelessness, and apathy; but anger is not my everyday companion.
The event that happened will not be remembered at all by my general manager. He will think nothing of it as he smokes his pipe of cherry tobacco, and talks with his cronies. That's what makes it even more maddening.
I approached him today for help with a problem I had with locating better rates for my customers, with an idea I had for speeding up things. He looked at me blankly and replied, "No one else thinks that is necessary, no one else even worries about it. Why can't you just do your job the same way everyone else does?". I explained that I was not the only one, and that my plan had its merits. He turned away and went back to his work without even dismissing me.
I wouldn't treat a child the way the way he treats us, let alone a grown man or woman. Throughout the day, I simmered, sometimes forgetting about it when I was busy, but always coming back to it.
As I drove home it hit me hard. Switching between wishing I could find more curse words that actually made it feel better(They never do) to praying ,"God, how long will I be here? What else can I do to get out of here quicker?"
You may condemn me for cursing, tell me I'm a bad Christian. I know its wrong, I won't deny it. But I also can't deny what my real problems are and who I really am. This blog is my confessional, the place where I am as close to real and transparent as I can be. There's enough phonies out there, these are the sort of things that really happen in men's hearts as we try to make sense of a world that doesn't always.
I had a boss before that was this evil. He could not have cared less about what happened to me and actually wished me evil. I watched him crash and burn from his own arrogance and stupidity. I don't want this man dead, I just want him to reap the results of his uncaring, selfish cold style of management. I want some sort of hot,steaming, karmic, bullshit to encompass his world up to his nose, like his has encompassed mine.
Thanks for listening.
Now I will sleep, and tomorrow will be better.
Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.
By Rage Against The Machine