Call Center Purgatory <$BlogRSDURL$>
Call Center Purgatory
Monday, February 07, 2005
  Depression packs his bags...

I'm standing up in church listening to the songs. Everyone around me is clapping and putting their hands in the air to worship God. I feel nothing. Just numb...

This last week I found out the job that I believed was my destiny to not only get out of Purgatory, but to make a difference in the world was given to somebody else. It wouldn't have felt so bad, but I really believed that I was being led to this job. I was following everything my heart told me to do, being obedient every way I knew how to what I thought was God's voice, and it all fell apart with a shatter like a shot gun blast to a picture window.

"Why should I worship you? I can't even figure out what I'm supposed to do, or how to hear your voice. I know I'm probabally to blame or there's other things I don't understand, but I'm looking around this world and seeing very little proof that you are working in my life."

In a flash, a portion of a book came to my mind. I've got a pretty good memory, but I can't always quote a paragraph from a book. It was from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis:

"Never is our cause in such danger Wormwood, than when a man looking around at a universe with no trace of God, no evidence of his power and goodness and the man chooses to believe in God anyway."
I know it doesn't make sense. But I chose to let all the crap and bitterness drop there, and chose to renew my relationship with God, even though I still don't understand it all. I just trusted on something deeper than me. I feel better.

Maybe this time, since I haven't had much luck changing where I work, or the people I work for, maybe I can change who I am until I finally find the way out.

Thanks for reading,

Thanks for that. I needed it.
It makes perfect sense, the quote from the Screwtape Letters, your words, your heart in them.

I pray He shines on you, so you may feel His warmth, love, and guidance in your life.
Have faith. That's the key. God answers prayers at the least expected times. He will guide you the way He wants to. Sometimes the things we want or try the hardest to do never come to pass, and in the long run it wasn't the best thing for you.
What I'm trying to say is simple. Do not try to out guess God. He only wants you to worship him, love and help your fellow man, and he will love and take care of you in his own way.
Rats, eh? Sucks to lose out on a job, but what the hell, I've been doing that for 2 years, and I still haven't lost the faith. Chin up.
It's far better to live in a world where there is a God who loves us despite how we, as a human race, have used his gift of Free Will poorly. It means our suffering is for something. It means we have the potential for emotional growth. Otherwise, nothing means anything, and we out to just pull the trigger now (don't look at that as an advocation of pulling the trigger, should you happen to be holding something with a trigger at this moment).
So... um... chin up and all that?
And all the good people said....... "AMEN!"
Imagine being in the pulpit and feeling that way...

but having to go on regardless.....

may sound strange...but it kinda strengthens my faith...
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Exploring the mind numbing insanity and childish corporate culture of an unknown call center employee.

Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.

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"One must know oneself, if this does not serve to discover truth, it at least serves as a rule of life, and there is nothing better." -Blaise Pascal

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"Wake Up"
By Rage Against The Machine

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