Ring....
Ring....
Ring....

"Anonymous Investments, AC here, How can I help you?"
"Hi...I've got an account with your company. I recently invested in Overseas Anonymous Outsourcing Corporation. What rate of return should I expect after two years?"
"I don't know...It's going to vary on so many things."
"You mean you can't tell me what sort of return I'm going to get from my money?"
"Sorry...No one can without lying to you."
"(CLICK)"

This wasn't word for word, but I actually fielded a question that was that stupid.

I don't know what sort mythical powers people think we have. I blame ON-STAR, Auto clubs, and 911 dispatchers for making us all appear more capable than we actually are. Let me burst a few bubbles about call centers their relationships with you:

1. We don't know who you are and where you are from just from the sound of your voice.
2. You called yesterday....So out of 200 phone calls I will remember you?
3. We don't know your life story and your personal financial history all the way back to when the lunch lady refused to give you credit for chocolate milk.
4. We can't forecast the future.
5. The pay here does not include enough to be your new best friend. There's a chance it could work out, but don't get your hopes up.
6. We weren't required to have a Masters degree to get this job. We might not have graduated from High School.
7. We were not bred in a secret lab with special empathy genes that make us care deeply about you.
8. We are not as incredibly tolerant to abuse as you think we are.
9. There are other people calling in needing help. You are not the center of the universe, I don't care what your Mom said...
10. You are not as interesting to others as you think you are. If you want to feel like everything you say is incredibly insightful, get a blog. It seems to work for some people.

Thanks for reading,

AC