In the last episode, we found our hero asking his boss if he wanted him to leave because he was not happy with his numbers...
"If you don't like my work, maybe you need to tell me to leave."
I wasn't sure what I expected him to say, part of me wanted him to fire me so I could collect unemployment since they had no paper trail of grievances. The other part of me was just pissed and wanted to lean on him a little to see how he would react.
"No...We don't want you to leave. We need you to handle the research projects for the mutual funds, I don't want other people involved with that because those people are so picky. We do need you to stay, just try to get your numbers up."
He was actually nervous, he had dropped the tough guy attitude and seemed sincere.
"I know Brad is a jerk, he says things that he shouldn't. Brad and the other managers ask me about your numbers, and I tell them not to bother you because of the research work we have you do. If there was something wrong, you know I'd let you know clearly..."
I couldn't believe my ears! What I really wanted to say was "What the Hell?! You were just saying my numbers stink and you weren't happy with how I'm doing, and now you're sticking up for me and protecting me from the other managers? let me know clearly?', HA! That's a joke! I have to ask for constructive criticism, and feedback about my work, and you think I believe that statement?!?"
But, either I was a coward, or just pragmatic, and didn't say that. Instead, I decided to go a different route, maybe I could get something good out of this.
"When am I getting a raise? It's been a long time."
"I'll talk to the GM about that and get back to you..."
So it was over. I left our short meeting feeling so many things. Anger...I found myself wishing that there were more unclean,filthy words in the English language to explain the sort of disgust and anger at these people that every thought brought me. Screaming "FUCK!" at the top of my voice was simply not enough. But besides just the anger, I was sad, kind of depressed.
All along, I thought I had taken the moral high ground, that I was obeying their policies, dotting all my I's and crossing all of my T's, I was proud how took care of each call that came through quickly. Then I come to find out that management does not care that I follow their written instructions, they don't care how I take care of their customers. The most important thing is the number of trades completed, and quality, and courtesy is only important when someone gets caught, or if we lose money on a big mistake.
Even more disappointing than that, it makes me sad to know that there is a group of people that have judged me as a lazy worker and a bad person. Even if I get my numbers up, then they will simply say I straightened up after Larry yelled at me. I don't really like them either, but I just hate being misunderstood when I was doing what I sincerely thought was right.
Well, now that everything is crystal clear, I'll change my ways and see what happens. I promise you will be the first to know what happens.
Thanks for reading,
Click below to read the other parts of this series
Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.
By Rage Against The Machine