I'm staring at the screen and I've got nothing. No inspiration, no incredible heart-felt things to share, not a damn thing. Not a joke, not a haiku, not even a naughty limerick.

Nothing is swimming in that incredibly dark reservoir of thought between my ears, not even those three headed fish and two headed dolphins that may be a result of the glue I sniffed during yearbook class in 1983.

The call center has sucked my energy and my intellect until my intellect is foggy and my heart is numb. The wave of consciousness rides like a cheap wave pool at a third-rate water park. I leap into the dark depths and just sink to the bottom.

Cheap coffee...Ring... Ring....
Spicy Chinese microwave dinners, Ring... Ring...
I like denim miniskirts...Ring...Ring...
Please drop something...Ring...Ring..
"How can I help you?"...Ring..Ring..
Take Five by Dave Brubeck...Ring...Ring..
"Here are your goals for this month, AC. You need to reach them more consistently, Hell, just try to reach them at all!"...Ring...Ring...Ring..
Ring...Ring...Ring..Ring...
"Where is God in all of this?"
Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...
"Why don't I want to talk to him?"
Ring...Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...

The fog before my eyes clear, the water drains from my ears, I take a breath and crawl out onto the beach of some island in the middle of the dark water. Struggling to my feet, I stumble towards a non-descript door in front of me.

I walk out into the sun in springtime. It is about twenty years ago. It is my second date with my wife. We spent the day at the zoo. We chattered nervously, trying to get to know each other. I was never smooth at that age. We stop by the otter exhibit and lean on the rail as the furry little clowns slide into the water and frolic just because they can. Their mustaches appear to be hiding big grins. They have no purpose, no plan, they just enjoy life and revel in their own "otterness".

Now's my chance. I reach over and take her hand. She smiles and we are both in Heaven. We barely stop holding hands through the rest of the day. We leave the zoo and have lunch in a park with a green field nearby. She made brownies. I lay my head in her lap. We watch the clouds go by.

No matter how numb and sad I feel from time to time, these memories remain and bring me joy when nothing else does.

Thanks for reading,

AC