"Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time.
Have you heard about the lonesome loser?
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'"~Little River Band
Everyone has a different idea about what true love is. Every couple is different and finds each other in unique way. In my own life, I have no doubt that my wife is the only one for me. We've been together almost twenty years. Besides the fact that we are so happy together, there is another reason I believe she is the only girl for me. Let me tell you about my love life before her.
I have always liked girls, from first grade I always found them interesting. Unfortunately they have not always have been as interested in me. Besides being kind of shy, and having the sort of mouth that orthodontists look at and see new cars, I was always kind of a "husky kid", at least that was how Sears always described my body type. I wasn't huge, I still played sports, but I was always self-conscious about being a little pudgy.
Of course, in grade school I didn't have a real girlfriend, but this was not for lack of trying. The first girl I had a real crush on was Amy Howard, click the link to read a story about that. In grade school, I always seemed to be too shy to tell a girl I liked her, or just got shot down when I tried.
Now, I know what some of you are saying, "Grade school is too young to have a girl-friend!". I don't disagree with you. I know I was way too serious about it than I should have been at that age. Of course, at that age, I wouldn't have known what to do with a girl if I had one. All I knew was they were pretty and nicer than boys, and I wanted them to be my friends, maybe approach the ecstasy of holding hands or even a kiss on the cheek.
Even now, I remember that the feelings I had as a kid were real. When I got shot down, or rejected, it really hurt. The thing so many of us forget about being a kid is that their emotions are still very real. On some level, their emotions are more real than ours because they have nothing to compare them with, no perspective, no way to shrug it off, or even realize that emotions are not accurate guides. A child's broken heart and hurt emotions are just as real as an adults, sometimes its even worse.
In fourth grade, I remember walking home with a girl named Annie. Our houses were a couple of blocks apart, but I always went out of my way to be with her. She had glasses, short brown hair and was very pretty in my mind. Week after week I walked home with her. She never told me to get lost, but she wouldn't let me carry her books. She was my first memory of a girl that sent me mixed messages. I know now she was being polite, but fourth grade boys are pretty dense and live in a simplistic world. They are hoping for black and white and don't always have the ability to see shades of gray.
Between fifth and sixth grade, there was one girl that I actually considered marrying. I realize that was some fairly long range planning for a guy that had problems remembering to change his underwear, but in my pre-pubescent mind, I was as serious as a heart attack. Her name was Elizabeth, she was my pastor's daughter. I don't know what it was about her, but I would have traded my BMX bike, and Crossman 760 BB gun* to be her boyfriend. She had big blue eyes, curly chestnut colored hair and white straight teeth, with a little bit of an over bite that I found oh-so seductive when she drowned her lips with that great smelling strawberry flavored lip gloss.
I was actually best friends with her brother, and the three of us hung out together all the time. I don't remember how it came about, but whenever I tried to become more than a friend, she shot me down. When her and her brother moved out of town, I was crushed. I remember it felt like my little world was over. I never got beyond the friend zone with her.
Thinking about it now it seems like I exuded this sort of desperation around girls that ruined my chances. It was like they could smell it, but this would not last forever.
Thanks for reading,
Purgatory: A place of suffering and torment with an unknown duration. In Roman Catholic Theology-the place where the dead are purified from their sins.
By Rage Against The Machine