Call Center Purgatory <$BlogRSDURL$>
Call Center Purgatory
Monday, September 11, 2006
  The Malfunction Part XXIV

(Don't be stupid enough to try anything listed below. It's obviously fiction, untested, dangerous, and illegal...'Nuff said.)

A plan had taken shape. I gathered a CO2 fire extinguisher, three large glass bottles, powdered soap, three dishcloths, a large plastic spoon, a funnel, a large mixing bowl and the biggest knife I could find. It had a blade that was 12" long and a 1/4" thick. I suspected the rest of what I needed would be in the maintenance department.

I stuck my head out the door and listened. No clicks. The hallway was clear. I quickly moved my supplies into the maintenance department and got to work.

First, I filled the bottles with some homemade Napalm, once I found several other flammable ingredients. I lit the wicks and suspended the two bottles from ceiling over the door, with a rope tied to a heavy file cabinet with a bowtie that I could release in one pull. I was saving the third bottle for the last wolf.

Next, I found a length of 1/2" steel gas pipe. I cut it down to about 20" and attached it to the CO2 extinguisher by first removing the hose, then sliding the barrel inside the opening and then tightening it down with a radiator hose clamp and duct tape. I made a 8" long dart by cutting a long screwdriver in two with a hacksaw and then sharpening it needle sharp with the grinder. I taped some cloth to the end so it would pack tight in the barrel.

One weapon was still needed: a spear. If I had to fight these monsters up close again, I wanted something with some reach and a sharp edge, that could be thrown if needed. First, I knocked the pins out of the handle of the kitchen knife and removed the wood handle. Then I mounted the blade on a broken shovel handle by cutting a deep notch in the center of the handle. I inserted the the bare steel handle in that samep notch, and then secured it by putting long wood screws through the same pin holes that were used on the old wood handle. I wrapped that end with metal strapping to strengthen it. Now I was ready...

Part XXV

Thanks for reading,

AC

Anonymous Cog

 
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Exploring the mind numbing insanity and childish corporate culture of an unknown call center employee.
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