Dear Call Center Customer,

I'm sorry that you did not have a good experience calling my center today. You seemed especially angry and frustrated. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried repeatedly to help you, and everything did not work out the way it should have. I'm sorry that even though I tried my best to help you, I was not successful.

I wish there were enough words to express how truly sorry I am. I'm sorry I finally snapped after you berated me for five minutes and asked why there was nothing more I could do. I'm sorry that I had to make things so crystal clear that you were forced to realize that I had other calls to handle and I could not listen to you go on and on about how you have been wronged. I'm sorry that after that you came to the conclusion that after an extended tongue lashing I don't continue to care in the same way. I'm sorry you have never been disappointed before, this first time must have been incredibly traumatic for you. I'm so deeply sorry...

I'm sorry when things went wrong you were on hold for five minutes. I'm sorry for the repeated times I tried to call you for further instructions you turned your cell phone off or were unavailable, I'm sure that was my fault too. I'm sorry that when you finally called back I was talking to another customer. How dare I have other customers! If I could make them share the blame I would, but since customers never take blame, that must be my fault also.

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry my Visa card does not have the balance right now to buy a plane ticket to your town, rent an economy car, and make a day of kicking your ass in the name of all the humiliated, downtrodden, "little people" you have wronged throughout your life.

I'm sorry I got up this morning. I'm sorry I got in the car and drove to work. I'm sorry I put the headphone on and answered the phone. Most of all, I'm sorry that I hate you. I never wanted to hate you, I just answered the phone and it sort of went downhill from there...

Contritely yours,

The Anonymous Cog

Thanks for reading...